Managing Holiday Stress
A lot of our stress around the holidays can come from the “shoulds” - unrealistic expectations of what holidays “should” feel like, how we should be feeling, what we should be doing. The word “should” is a type of cognitive distortion - an unhelpful thinking pattern which imposes unrealistic unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others. Cognitive distortions create a sense of guilt or frustration when those expectations aren't met. Remember that “perfect” isn’t possible. Some days are cloudy and come are sunny. If you’re like me, I imagine that you’ll have some frustrating moments over the holidays, and some nice ones. It’s a set up for disappointment if we expect our holidays to look and feel like a Pinterest board because that’s completely unrealistic.
The holidays are here! It’s the time to get cozy, see family, eat good food, hopefully get some time off work. But it’s also a time of high emotions, potential conflict, and lots of potential stressors. Remember, stress can be both positive and negative - it’s anything that challenges your body. Stress can help you prepare logistics for travel or get all your Christmas shopping done but it can also lead to feelings of frustration or irritability, anxiety or difficulty focussing. Stress can also lead to physiological changes in the body, like headaches, muscle tension, fatigue or or digestive issues.
A lot of our stress around the holidays can come from the “shoulds” - unrealistic expectations of what holidays “should” feel like, how we should be feeling, what we should be doing. The word “should” is a type of cognitive distortion - an unhelpful thinking pattern which imposes unrealistic unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others. Cognitive distortions create a sense of guilt or frustration when those expectations aren't met. Remember that “perfect” isn’t possible. Some days are cloudy and come are sunny. If you’re like me, I imagine that you’ll have some frustrating moments over the holidays, and some nice ones. It’s a set up for disappointment if we expect our holidays to look and feel like a Pinterest board. Recognizing our own tendency to compare to an unrealistic ideal, or remembering that most people are having at least some pain and disappointment can help us stay more balanced and realistic. Remember, the holidays are just a day like any others, we just imbue them with significantly more pressure.
Human beings are hardwired to compare ourselves to others - this is why social media is so addictive. We see commercials and movies with perfect families, and wish that our own families were less flawed. Or maybe we feel like our friends are all having better and more perfect holidays than we are. Maybe the holidays remind us of losses, or things that we wish were different. Remind yourself that there really is no such thing as a perfect family, or a perfect holiday. There will be ups and downs. In fact, in general research shows us that the majority of people experience a lot of stress and disappointment around the holidays.
The holidays can often be a trigger for anxiety, stress or even depression. It’s a perfect storm of family dynamics, lots of planning, financial stress etc. Because our stress may already be higher, it’s easy to tip over into irritability, frustration, or even sadness. Factor in a couple gingerbread martinis and we’re even more likely to become dysregulated. Luckily there are some things you can do to help stay as even keel as possible:
Breathe! Just remembering to slow down your breath can be really helpful. When you slow your breath your heart rate slows as well.
Set boundaries: make sure that you carve out time for yourself and your needs. You don’t need to apologize for this - just take it!
Especially if you normally exercise, try to keep it up as much as possible. Movement is a great way to let off steam, reduce adrenaline, and generally manage stress better.
New Years Resolutions are a real set up for most people. We have a tendency to create unrealistic goals and then feel bad about ourselves once we don’t complete them. Try for the 80% rule with goal setting - if you’re not 80% sure that you can complete it, it’s probably not a good goal.
Happy Holidays!